Friday, October 31, 2008

More Insanity From The Mind of Gracen...

Happy Halloween! My week has been crazy preparing for my 6 year old’s birthday party tomorrow, November 1st. We’ve not carved pumpkins yet and my boys are stressing in a big way. I guess we’ll get it done immediately after they arrive home from school today. But it’s seriously hard to do anything productive when they either have football or karate every-freaking-night! I so need a vacation from my family.

So, I did it…I joined NaNoWriMo (hereinafter Nano for ease of typing). *bites nails nervously* I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off to be honest. My muse is on a strike or she’s giving me the silent treatment. Either way, it’s the same outcome. :-( I’m hoping Nano will inspire her to get chatty. *gives her a swift kick in the butt and a stern glare*

After reading Lisa Hendrix’s (Thursday’s guest blogger) eleven point suggestions for a successful Nano experience, I can tell you the deck is stacked against me. I’m going to address each of Lisa’s points. But let me say this disclaimer first, I am NOT making fun of your blog, Lisa. I enjoyed your blog and found some of your pointers very helpful. I figure your pointers are like anyone’s pointers, some will work for my family and others won’t work. We’ll have to implement the ones that work for us and add our own as we go along. Since I’m new to Nano—I’m a Nano virgin ;-)—I’ll figure out what works best with my family and implement those as the month progresses. So, without delay, my comments and thoughts:

One…feeding the family frozen food and canned food the entire month would most likely result in a unified vote to kick my ass out of the house OR an execution of some sort. Let’s face it I’ve spoiled my family with homemade meals. They get extremely cranky without them. So, I’ll have to resort to using the crock pot more than once a week. I think it’s doable though. I’m not losing hope with this one pointer. I’m tarrying on…

Two…celery? Seriously? You have got to be kidding me? I’m already gagging at the thought of eating it. First off, it’s too stringy—I actually do gag on the stuff—and it has little to no taste. If I have to eat celery to keep the brain functioning, I’m already whipped, beaten, chained and tossed into the dungeon of doom! I have a respectable hate relationship with celery. I’d have to literally choke it down to consume it. But I think I can handle fruit and raw veggies. Maybe some sunflower seeds too, those that are still in the shell because I eat less that way. Hmm…course that keeps my fingers busy too, so maybe not such a great idea after all. Okay, so I’ll scrap the sunflower seeds. I’m guessing the tub of cake icing doesn’t qualify as fruit and raw veggies. *snaps fingers* Damnation! Love the stuff.

Three, I do actually pay the bills. I wouldn’t even dream of turning them over to my husband. He’d critique every bill we have, demand an explanation for every single one of them , forgetting that he signed the papers to the home equity loan or that he was the one that purchased the new computers and all the S&K clothes. My valid defense to the S&K credit, “Do I look like a man?” Yeah, I don’t see that as a time saving technique, so, totally not going there. But, I have already scheduled payments and written checks. For the checks, all I have to do is remember to drop them in the mailbox and pull the flag up... *shakes head* I’m ashamed to admit I forget to pull the flag up so the mailman will post the mail. I’m spacey without adding Nano. I better take Lisa’s suggestion and utilize my computer calendar software.

Four…I actually died laughing over the prospect of teaching someone to do housework other than myself. I think it’d be easier to let the dust bunnies pile up and the floors go unswept than it would be to teach anyone in this house to do housework. I can’t seem to teach anyone to pick up their cups and put them in the sink before bedtime. The basics are beyond my teaching skills. Or either everyone has tuned out the tone of my voice and does not listen to me. But, the visual in my head of them pushing the vacuum cleaner or the mop around the house ranks right up there with the best wet dream ever…*sigh*

Five… Maybe I’m a weensy bit of a control freak too because the idea of anyone…and I mean any-freaking-one…doing my laundry gives me a nervous tick. I’ll have to work on this point throughout the month. I can bring my laptop with me and type while I do the laundry. I’ll make it work. I refuse to give up hope of making it work.

Six, eh, the children are a distraction, but they’re really not that difficult…most of the time anyway. I won’t forget to pick them up from school because they ride the bus, so I can safely mark that one off my list. We do have sporting events that I have to get them to, but I bring my laptop and work at most of those practices anyway. I do give my undivided attention during a game and cheer from the sidelines like any obsessively supportive parent. But when they’re home, they’d rather be outside playing than caged inside doing anything. Right now I think this one will be the easiest suggestion Lisa had yet! Well, until they’re ran inside by the dark…and it is starting to get dark earlier...and Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, so it’ll get darker even faster…and…I refuse to lose hope!!

Seven…Am I reading this right? Did Lisa actually suggest NO sex for the entire month of Nano???? *please picture my look of desperation* Forget the husband wanting monkey sex throughout the house, I’m not sure I can go an entire month without it. It’s verified…the nervous tick is back.

Eight…aw, super easy one. I got the pets covered without any problem.

Nine, the neighbors and friends may be a bit difficult. I walk with my neighbor, but provided I continue our morning walk—I’ll need the exercise anyway—she’ll probably be satisfied with that. In any event, she’s agreed to work with me. My other friends have agreed that if I don’t answer the phone, they’ll leave a message and wait for me to call back. So, hopefully all my ducks are in order with this pointer.

Ten…I’m thinking a month long trip to a hotel sounds like the ticket! In a month, my sanity would probably return full throttle and my muse would become chatty as hell. I’d probably want her to shut up for a change. The kids have probably scared her into hiding as it is. *clucks tongue* Too bad I can’t figure out how to do this in all seriousness. Financially, it's not even feasible. But, I do I need a vacation from my boys right this second and it has nothing to do with Nano.

Eleven…instead of buying blinders, I think earplugs would work better in my house. I have a way of overlooking the minor details anyway, but sometimes I can’t block out the arguing, bickering, screaming, yelling, the bouncing balls, and the video games….and pretend the list goes on and on and on and on and on because the distractions seriously never stop when the children are caged inside our four walls.

In all seriousness I am looking forward to Nano. It’s made me want to whip out the laptop and get started because I’m going to do what I love to do best, write like there is no tomorrow. In my house the “no tomorrow” is a serious concern…some days the apocalypse could break out at any given second.

A few reminders:

Leave me a comment and I’ll enter you in the drawing for my e-book, The Devil’s Den, which I’ll be giving away at the noon hour today, C.S.T., which is approximately 3 hours away!

If you celebrate—or are forced to celebrate as is my case—Daylight Savings Time, don’t forget to turn your clocks back one hour this weekend.

Happy Halloween everyone! Stay safe! Run screaming away from the goblins! Especially the leprechauns! *shivers* They’re scary! Tiny hands! ;-)



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12 deadly screams:

Debbie Kaufman said...

Gracen, I have to agree with you on the housework and sex comments. I'd lose too much time in the ER if others started doing the housework. Yes, even clearing cups. The shock of it alone might kill me! Oh, and no sex for a month. So not happening. How else am I supposed to keep my sanity? Fortunately though, my family has gotten used bouts of frozen dinners when I'm working!

Kenzie Michaels said...

LOL:) I'm glad I'm not the only Laundry Goddess around! When I was pg with the caboose, hubby did laundry and kept forgetting the detergent! I took over the washing; he and the kids did the loading of the dryer and the putting away.

The only raw veggies I eat are broccoli, cucumbers, and carrots (and dripping with ranch dressing!) My vice is raw cookie dough!

Pheebles said...

Leprechauns are scary? I'd say ANGELS are even scarier, in some places. ;)

Gracen Miller said...

Okay...I entered ALL the names from my last 3 posts (entrants were Melissa, Terry Spear, Debby, ddurance, Debbie Kaufman, pollyanna, Kenzie Michaels and Pheebles--if I missed someone, please let me know).

I plugged all 8 names into list randomizer and it picked the winner.

So...the winner is...KENZIE MICHAELS!!!!

Please e-mail me at and I'll forward you my e-book, The Devil's Den. Please let me know in what version you want the book...pdf, rtf, and lit.

Thanks and I hope you enjoy reading it!!

Kenzie Michaels said...

Forgot to mention...Don't forget the slow cooker bags! They're great for easy clean-up:)

BTW...Kenzie is me, Molly Daniels! Forgot to tell you that...Kenzie finally got around to updating her blog:) So pick again, sweetie:)

Gracen Miller said...

Thanks for your comments everyone. Debbie, please tell me the secret on how to get your spouse to eat frozen dinners. Mine will not eat frozen dinners or leftovers. Neither will he eat hamburger or tuna helper and our two boys love that stuff. *sigh* Husbands can be so frustrating because, you know, us wives are perfect. ;-)

Kenzie, my husband doesn't forget the detergent, he forgets to separate whites from darks and reds, so all the whites end up being some freaky shade of I don't know. Yikes! I can't tell you how many times he's dyed his white underwear pink because of this neglect. As for the veggies, heck yeah, they got to be dripping in ranch dressing. I don't like any naked raw veggies. KNEW someone would get my joke about leprechauns. lol the context you're thinking...are definitely scary. *shudders*

Happy Halloween everyone!

Gracen Miller said...

Kenzie! *gives you stern look* lol I like the new pen name. Cool, snazy and classy. Hope that's what you were going for. :-)

Alright, I'll pick again...Be right back, I need to reload my stuff...

Gracen Miller said...

Kenzie! *gives you stern look* lol I like the new pen name. Cool, snazy and classy. Hope that's what you were going for. :-)

Alright, I'll pick again...Be right back, I need to reload my stuff...

Kenzie Michaels said...

That's okay. Stop by and say 'hi':)

Gracen Miller said...

Okie dokie...since Kenzie's alter-ego has already read my book, I replugged all the entrants back into

The new winner is....MELISSA!!! Melissa posted a comment to my post last Friday, which also made her eligible to win my book. So, if you're reading, Melissa, e-mail me at and tell me what format you want the book in!!

Happy Halloween!

Lisa Hendrix said...

Gracen -- You made me splurt coffee at the coffee house. Fortunately, I missed my laptop. //g//

No, I didn't mean no sex for a month (gawd, no!). I just meant nothing, um, spectacular. Just the basics, thank you ma'am, with the spectacular stuff to come (begging your pardon) after Nano's over.

But yes, you should get over the laundry and housekeeping things. The key words are good enough, as in "They may not be doing it the way I'm doing it, but it's good enough." Truly, it's a gift to your family to teach them how to care for themselves AND YOU.

I've read that the #1 reason husbands don't help with the housework is that their wives make it clear they never do things right. Well, maybe not, but short of actually setting the house on fire, it's surely good enough

Maybe you can't manage turning loose for this year, since it's so close, but certainly by next year, you should have them trained to handle the basics, and yourself to handle their good-enough job. It'll be good for all of you. Honestly.

Sarah Mäkelä said...

Great post, Gracen! I really enjoyed reading it. I so agree about being the one to pay the bills and not being able to take that much needed month long hotel stay.