Friday, November 7, 2008

Warning: My Depressed Rant About Nothing

Awesome Friday! Yesterday was my youngest son’s seventh birthday. My oldest turned eleven in August. Where have all the years gone? *shakes head* I don’t feel any older. A littler fatter maybe, but definitely not older, and yet they are proof that I’m older than I feel. Time didn’t go this fast when I was their age. Now it feels like I’m rolling down a hill gaining speed with absolutely no brakes. And in all the years I’ve been writing, since middle school, I’ve got one book published, but only because I decided I was going to try and chase my dream for a change instead of helping my husband chase his. It seriously does not help that he's not on board with my dreams.

So, maybe you guessed it…I’m a tad melancholy today. Not only are my boys growing up, but I’m frustrated with my writing. I joined Nano and I’ve typed a little over 13,000 words since Saturday, which I think is pretty good. Hopefully, I’ll get more written this weekend. But, I was reading over some of it yesterday and it was complete drivel! I’d have scraped it if I didn’t need the word count. That alone makes me frustrated. I want perfection, I expect perfection from myself…so, yeah, I’m a perfectionist in a lot of ways.

That led me to thinking how do I know my stuff is good enough to be published? Am I chasing a hopeless dream? How can I know they’re worth chasing? My friends like my stuff, but they’re prejudiced and they’d like anything I wrote. My mother won’t read it because it has the dreaded stuff in it…S-E-X. Shh…don’t tell anyone. She just told me last week that she has almost worked up the nerve to read my book. What? I am so rolling my eyes right now. Really, if she needs to work up her nerve to read it, then I wish she just would not read it! I don’t need the extra drama in my life right now, thank you very much. My mother-in-law thinks I’m going to hell for writing about vampires. If she read any of my stuff, her theory would be confirmed and the flames of hell would be nipping at my heels. I might need to take my socks off and make sure the soles of my feet aren't blistering as I write this rant.

So, I have no true critique group. It’s hard for me to trust folks to give me an honest opinion. One, they’re either going to try and spare my feelings and not give me the cold hard truth. Which does not help me hone any of my writing one little bit. Or, two, they’re going to give advice that is so far out in left field that it’s going to take every hope I ever had and crush it. I’ve seen that happen to someone, had them questioning their ability to write and that person now has a contract for the book that was severely slashed apart. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if folks intentionally want to crush other people’s dreams.

Sorry for the rant, the melancholy, the gibberish above that makes no sense whatsoever. Maybe I’m already cracking under the pressure of Nano. Maybe I’m just cracking under the pressure of a husband that is working too much, children that are involved in anything that involves a ball, a kick or a punch, and I’ve been zooming about like a single parent entirely too much lately. I don’t even know what a home cooked meal is any more. Anyway, I’m shutting up because I’ve dragged you all down entirely too much today. Rah! Rah! What a way to start the weekend off Gracen!

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. If you care to share, I’d love some advice on how you know your writing is worth placing your hopes and dreams in it? How you battle the husband who doesn't support your writing? How do you stay upbeat without letting your doubts wear your down?

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow for your chance to win a copy of Linda Ambrosia’s book, Gulliver’s Children!

I've decided this post is proof that I can write a lot about nothing!

7 deadly screams:

Melissa said...

Gracen,

I know that your work is good, first hand, because I read The Devil's Den and reviewed it just the other day. Hang in there!

Melissa

Molly Daniels said...

Melancholy must be going around. I've got the 'is-my-stuff-readable' blues too!

Ask Sierra how to download that @@###$#$ widget? The NaNo site didn't tell me how.

Gracen Miller said...

I had this big long nice freaking post and then Blogger refused to let me post it! *evil eyes* In Molly's Words: @@###S#S!!!

Melissa, that is so sweet! Thanks for the review and the nice uplifting words. I'm glad you enjoyed the book. I'm always worried how folks will receive it when they read it because of the graphicness (is that even a word?) in it. Did you post the review on the Firedrakes website or through the "contact" at my website? Running off to look and see if I can find it.

Molly, sorry you've got the writing blues. Maybe we could join together and kick melancoly's butt! I don't like feeling like this. But thanks for the laugh over the widget thingy. lol I do actually know how to do this one, so here's a step-by-step process for you...

1. Update your word count
2. Click on "fun stuff" at the top of the page.
3. On the left hand side of the page, there will be a list of bulleted fun stuff. Click on "Word Count Widgets".
4. Copy and past the code into your blogger and voila!

Let me know if you need any more help. Just so you know, when you update the word count the widget is slow to update, but it will eventually update. Also, you don't have to keep pasting the code into blogger after each update. It will automatically update for you...it just might take a little while.

I hope you both have a great weekend and thanks for the comments. As sicko as it makes me sound, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one suffering. ;-) Not that I want you suffering, it's just nice to know I'm not flying solo out there in the land of melancholy blues.

Molly Daniels said...

Okay....I wasn't able to copy and paste (No file button on laptop and when I right-clicked after highlighting the code, Copy wasn't an option. So I wrote it down and retyped it into blogger. Does it show? Not sure. AARRRGGGHHH! I hate this laptop and my PC javascript keeps going haywire on me everytime I click on blogger!

Ssoory for the tantrum.

Electronics hate me...

Melissa said...

Gracen,

I actually reviewed it for Whipped Cream/Long and Short Reviews. I turned it in the other day, but I am not positive how long it takes them to get the reviews up on the site.

Melissa

vagabondsaint said...

Awwwwwwwwww. . .I'm sorry to read about your melancholy, Gracen! I know it's hard to write without good support around you. . .but hey, you've gotten a book published, which more than most people can say, and you've got some fans for both your book and your blogging. . .when the negative threatens to overwhelm, force your eyes to focus on the positive, eh?

*hug*

Pandem

Sierra Wolfe said...

Hugs Gracen. I know how you're feeling, but don't give up. You are a terrific writer. You know I'm not just saying that. How many times have I gushed over your writing? I love it! Keep at it, it will get better.