Friday, January 16, 2009

In Memory of Maddie

Please read no further if you do not wish to read my In Memory Of post about a dear friend I lost....

I’ve wracked my brain this week trying to figure out something uplifting and positive to write. But it's not come to me. It’s been a difficult week because I lost a friend to cancer. Maddie (or Madz as I called her) had been fighting it for 2 ½ years and last Friday morning, she gave up the fight. I didn’t know about it until late Friday night. So, it’s been a week of ups and downs for me.

Wednesday was the first day I pulled up my current WIP and tried to work on it because I’ve been too melancholy to even try and write. Probably because my friend was always eager to read something I had written. But, mostly all I did was stare at the WIP or Google just about anything that popped into my head.

I don’t want to depress you all, but I did want to memorialize Madz in some way because she was a person that inspired me to be a better person. She was a special lady that worried more about others than she did herself and was often caught saying, “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.” But she wasn’t fine. She was sick, she was dying, she was in pain and she still worried about me. She had a heart bigger than anyone I’ve ever known and she was eager to laugh and joke. Even through all that she was suffering, she was a joy to be with.

Madz and I both shared a love of the television show Supernatural. So I watched it last night with equal parts joy that it was back after a seven week hiatus and sadness because Madz wasn’t here to watch it and wouldn’t be able to discuss it with me later. I will sorely miss you, Madz, and the hole in my heart will never heal.

Sorry for the melancholy.

7 deadly screams:

Margay said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I won't say anything trite here about her suffering, being in a better place, etc, because I've been on your end one too many times and that's really not what you need right now. I can't speak for what you need. All I can do is send you a big virtual hug, tell you that I'm thinking about you and wish you the very best. Everyone should have a friend like Madz - she sounded like a fantastic woman.

Pheebles said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

Molly Daniels said...


It's always tough when you lose a loved one. I'm so sorry for your loss; know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Tierney said...

Hi Gracen,

So sorry for you loss. I wish I could say something that would erase your pain.
I know what you're going through because I also lost someone so dear to me. My brother. He's the reason why I've been quiet. I'm mad at the world and too stubborn to accept what happened.

Cry if want, scream if you want. Maybe some people will disagree with me on this, but crying helps.
"Take care of yourself, live for
yourself so he can live through you and remember the good times. :)" This quote from a friend.


Gracen Miller said...

Thanks so much for your comments everyone.

Margay, it doesn't sound trite at all. The fact that she's no longer in any pain is the only positive in all my sadness.

Tierney, I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. I can't even imagine losing a sibling. *hugs ya* Like you, that's why I've been quiet all this week. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Cry...oh, I've done my fair share of crying, Tierney. Spent an entire day just sobbing everytime I thought about her and everything seemed to remind me of her that day.

Hugs and again, thanks everyone!

Margay said...

Tierney, I'm so sorry for your loss, too! I know exactly where you're coming from. I lost my younger brother four years ago and it's still a gaping hole in my life. Some day, when I can wrap my mind around it, I might write something about him and what he meant to me, what his loss did to our family. I'm thinking about you. And you're right - own those emotions. you've earned them. Big hugs to you, too.

Sierra Wolfe said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Gracen and Tierney too. I know how hard it is to lose loved ones. I'll be thinking of you. Hugs.